N.F.L. – Neutered, Fat and Lazy.

OK.

Because I’m new here let me introduce my self, I happen to be a man.
In all sense of the word:
psychical, mental, emotional, spiritual and oh yeah, I carry a card that says so.

I believe men should be men.

I know that sounds so profound, but allow me to clarify…

Men should not be just knuckle draggin Neanderthals, but rather well rounded, capable humans with the intellect to build, fix, carry, console, fight, drink, and rear young in a fashion that should keep the offspring out of jail with only a mediocre lawyer.

With that said, I have little patience for whining or anyone who is entitled , feels too
oppressed to function, doesn’t contribute to our society and puts personal appearance and big screen TV ahead of anything their family needs.

I also hate gnomes, the words “gluten free” and I think the British, Australians and New Zealanders are all faking their accent (that’s why they don’t have them when they sing).

I like Hot rods, wrenching, fishing, welding, grinding, beef in large portions , Beer, wine and LOVE good whiskeys. Also food preferably in large portions I do like football and as I don’t watch TV I kinda like the commercials.

The ones during Sunday football used to be good.

Until the day when the stars aligned, and the Jets played the Pats.

Railgun and I got a chance to celebrate Brute Force and Ignorance day to the toon of smiley faced pocketbooks and happy bunnies on the screen in between the carnage of sunday football.

Even Home Depot had metro oriented show pieces that focused on “color swatches” (another term I detest and think should used by Martha Stewart , Opera and anyone who thinks Tye Pennington could find his ass with two hands and a flashlight).

When I watch sports I just think everything that goes along with it should be reflective of an ER visit.

Ya know, power tools, muscle laden, fast cars and motorcycles. Nobody ever got hurt applying a second coat of latex semi gloss mauve in the baby’s room.
If it’s not in or near the above stated category I expect its scantily clad and jiggly (and with any luck soapy).

I want Something good, something exciting, something that is a couple of raw oysters and a scotch away from humping the neighbor’s dog through a chainlike fence.

I sure as hell don’t want to see geek faced, pencil neck, slack jaws in pink shirts comparing their iPhone networks so they can twit, blog, text or chat while ordering a latte.

I understand targeted marking. I understand the sponsorship and advertising, but they wouldn’t pull this crap in Nascar. You watch Nascar and think “Ya know what? I do need a quad with a gun rack, grab me a beer. No I don’t need a glass….and don’t forget the steaks….no you don’t really need to cook it ,I just don’t like it cold, yeah, knock of the horns off and drag that big bastard in here.”

So the next time you see a cute and fuzzy bunny during the second and third down advertising fabric softener, do what I do.

Get up, refill your beer and Piss on something outside.

Screaming helps.
-Candyman

‘A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.’ – Robert A. Heinlein